Originally when I thought about this blog, I always intended to focus on themes of the time. A month is too short, so I am going to start off on a six month regime. Recently, I’ve been faced with many questions and moments of introspection. Among the, the biggest and move vibrant one has been what I think about love. I know, this is a very large topic but I want to take you on a journey through where I currently live on this question.
I have always likened myself to be more akin to a hopeless romantic. I like the idea of a person in my life that is part of me and I devote my soul to that person. I enjoy the company of a few select souls at a time and fall deeply in love once it finally happens. I did not start dating until after college. I got engaged and watched it fall apart. I have also fallen in love with many people in many ways and capacities. I recently reentered the “dating force” and am starting to consider what I truly want out of all of it. Do I just want to date around, find that someone and what would I sacrifice for that, or am I a person who will be alone for a long time?
In the course of parsing that question, I also started to think about what it means to love yourself. I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with myself, leaning towards the latter, but I’m hoping to change that. I have more and more days where I can think of myself as worthwhile but others where I believe the statements that I’m not.
For the next few months, I plan to share with you some of my experiences with love. I will share some writing related to this topic as well. Lastly, I encourage you to read with me some books about this topic starting with Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory by Raphael Bob-Waksberg. To those I’ve loved and to those who may have loved me, to those who love often or never love at all, love in more diverse ways and feel vulnerable. It is a terrible and beautiful pain.